HOPE

would love to say that i have stumbled upon a new found revelation but NO i didnt. what i see today is that with HOPE life seems brighter. is that circumstancial, yep i think so. when things are looking better for others and i feel lifeless, i am SAD. So sad that life doesnt feel worth living. how is that so? God i wish i knew. all i really know today is that i can see beyond the darkness and i feel HOPE. HOPE that things could work out for the me. that there could be peace without chaos.

Lord, how i love your people. how i dream to touch their lives and hearts and radiate your love through them. All i want is to feel Your touch. Your Presence is so cool yet so warm. like a breath of fresh air filled with purity and power. Your strength i depend on, Your love i desire. i only feel alive when i serve You with my entirety. i aim to please to fill to touch to know. without You in my life is death. Lord keep my heart and desires pure, my focus on Your purpose.

Ponder: hell, i am willing to bet it feels like those days of hopelessness. when i have no desire to continue. when my all wants to give up completely. when the days are too long and the nights too short. when i never want to awaken. that must be hell. hell is not wanting, feeelings of misery and no desire to go forward, no caring for anything but death. hell to me is when living feels worse than dying. hell is feeling punished because i am still alive. what a shameful waste of life. some cry out for more time. only when there is hope do i feel this way.

Father forgive me for wasting precious air and life. so many want more and i sometimes beg to have no more. for give me for not trusting You to get me to the next day. for not understanding the misery and mostly the pain. I pray for that kid we talked about today. who had no one to love him. no one but You. forgive me for complaining, i pray that You intervene and give that child love and vision to see You and Your purpose, because if we are here it is because You have chosen us. send someone to show that child Your light and love and desire to seek You.