Feeling a little lost today and I am pretty sure it is by my own fault this time. I seem to test the waters periodically. I am not sure if I do this out of fear, or if it is just the ego testing out this new peace. I hear the warnings but move forward anyway. Maybe it is just rebellion or satan showing himself. I know that I will continue to make mistakes and this is how I will keep learning. I fear becoming prideful in my faith and I think I jeopardize my spiritual confidence because of this. I need the dependency on my creator and sometimes I think I am just more comfortable when I am needing Him. So, when all is well I tend to mess it up a bit and find myself searching to be back in His arms. I fear that I become so in love with God that people with not understand my position. I am so absolutely sure that the only way to happiness is by being completely dependent on God and completely detached from anything or anyone of this world!! I have come to realize how crazy this sounds to most people. I desire to be used for God's purpose only. I am sure that God has a plan for each and every one of us and it is to fulfill his plan.

Father, I ask you to forgive me for taking risks with my soul. Please forgive me for not being content with whatever position I may find myself in. I thank you for your unconditional love and patience. I am grateful for your holy spirit which guides me daily. I am grateful for your presence and grace that you have blessed me with. I ask you to remove any impurities from my heart, soul and mind. I thank you for the free will to choose and the conscience to recognize!!

movin forward

I am realizing how long it has been since I added any new post. I am glad to report that my journey has continued moving forward. This year has been one of enlightenment, wisdom, knowledge, fulfillment and wholeness. These gifts came through much darkness, a right of passage. Much of the time was spent in what I will describe as marinating. I had no doubts of faith, God's love, forgiveness or mercy. I was very secure in this presence and knew I was being led into something great, yet unknown. The biggest change came when I tried to control things or figure them out with my own knowledge. I would become extremely tired and confused when I attempted to move forward too quickly. I began to trust timing more than ever before and came to know patience. Then I noticed I was less anxious about making decisions and trying to hurry things along.

I have become aware of my emotions, thoughts, and feelings within my mind and within my soul. I realize that much of my confusion comes from the mind as it tries to understand the spirit within. The mind can't understand the relationship between soul and spirit. Spiritual living is not something the mind can comprehend, one must seek God for this fulfillment and understanding.

My absolute best moments are when I know I am completely in God's will. I possess peace, clarity, fulfillment, joy, understanding and His love fills my open heart. I can feel His love radiate through every part of me. These are the days that leave me most satisfied in who I truly am. These are the days that I feel only compassion, understanding, forgiveness and love. I have no desire to be anything other than the person God created me to be. And I only want to accomplish what I have been destined to become.