new year

I would love to quit thinking and start acting. believe all this thinking is keeping me down. way too serious. time to have some fun. today was a waste. I plan on making tomorrow happen.
clean
organize
throw
no computer, JUST ACTION

disgusted, continued

the day didnt get much better. at least when i am working i dont have to figure out what to do next. wish the rest of it was as easy as looking at an appointment book and doing what comes next. not sure if i am too confused or undecisive to clear the path to what comes next.

choice: enjoy and accept present or hang on to past? what blocks the view of what is in front of us? why cant i see or believe the good that is instead of acknowledging the what could have been or what was?

Lord help me to focus on all the blessings i do have. and to figure out why i keep listening to things i know will continue to haunt and hurt me. choosing to follow the power within. thankful for the spiritual gifts.

ponder: there is no promise of tomorrow so today could be the last to make a difference. how happy i once would have been to possesss half of what i have been given. letting go letting go letting go. God you are the only one powerful enough to accomplish this, only through You can i achieve peace. peace i desire PEACE I DESIRE your help i need.

Disgusted

already, the 2nd day(24hours actually) at trying this and i realize it may never be reality. no time to reflectively blog. appts all day, no afternoon worker, house is a mess, weather is gross, bookwork not began. havent even set up the new system much less implemented. HOW BAD DO I WANT THIS???????????? will only happen if I make it, work at it and use DISCIPLINE........
thinking: need to organize, prioritize, exercise, finalize, declutter, wow where to begin. what can i do right now???????????? go to work and begin appts.. not much else

prayer: Lord help me to see, to slow doen and hear yet to speed up when i dont want to move at all. BALANCE no way i can do this on my own. Father guide m y every thought today, help me make decisions and put them into play. chaos is killing me. You see what is going on where are the boundaries and why cant i seem to be consistent. through your power and mercy and grace touch me today. rescue me from myself. allow me to love someone for your service. fulfill me. give me the courage to make to call, take the risk and follow through with insights.

no time to ponder...............

Stepping out

Today will be a day of moving forward. first step to recreating, eliminating the old to make room for the new. how do we move ahead if we never remove yesterday's clutter. if we continue adding new and never remove old we will never enjoy or appreciate because there will be so much stuff we wont be able to get to anything.

thinking: of a storage room that becomes so cluttered that you cant get in to add anything else so you keep placing stuff at the door. eventually i dont want to think about it or look in there so i put it out of my mind until i need to store something else, and the cycle continues. this clutters my mind also.

action: remove the unused. clear, clean and replace with new gifts.

Pray: Lord help me to think clearly and purely today. to trust, to not fear, not regret. to remember that everything is for only a moment. we are not to hold on to the past and past things as if they are necessary. they are only a part of us and a part of yesterday. holding on too tightly will bind us to hurts and clutter. which in return will keep us STUCKNMOTION.

Ponder: If i am to move forward, i have to begin by eliminating the unnecessary, unused things in my life, to open the space for the new. FEAR is what prevents me from doing this. I fear regret, that i may need it later or someone else may need it. same with the hurts of the past, holding on is not serving a positive purpose, it is only a reminder of what was, or what used to be, or what happened,or what i wont let happen again. using it to remind me not to trust again is not PURE it is POISON. removing it makes room for new. hurt can be replaced by love if i allow it. this will required stepping out of something old into something new.

Eyes wide open

Ever get tired trying to figure it all out? looking for solutions? can't find peace without a plan? I did learn something today. Fear keeps me stuck in motion. spinning in circles and getting nowhere. doubting everything. believing little.. Moving forward will require a first step. it may be the wrong direction but the option is staying exactly as is!! which is NOT working. choose to stay disgustingly stuck or fearfully forward? for now, it will be forward...... today was the thought of what tomorrow will begin. moving from fear to adventurous.. anxious to see what tomorrow will bring.
Made the first decisions today, changes in the career. thank you Lord for the gifts You send. The people connected for the good of this world. baby steps is all i can take for now but lots of baby steps is still moving forward as long as i dont look down and realize i am moving and fall back. First is to acknowledge a problem, brave enough to feel emotions and see with eyes wide open, then desire to find alternatives and set limits. such simple things that shouldnt be so hard to understand.
Lord with your guidance I can do this. help me to discover what you have created within me. more than that help me to trust what is within. to follow the wispers of Your voice. to feel the calm internally.inhale life and exhale death. inhale purity and exhale poison. inhale love and exhale hurt. remember love, forget pain. these things i can only do through YOU. as today comes to a close grant me rest and energy for the adventures of tomorrow. help me to look within for desires from above.